October 17, 2012
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Anger Managment
This is a re-post from May 2010
has a great anger post up
there's a big difference in being Angry and being Mad
I still get angry sometimes but I don't do mad anymore
Talk about a regret you have.
I regret being Mad.
There was a long period in my life when it seemed I was mad all the time. I don't mean mad like miffed, I mean madcow disease mad or maybe rabid dog mad would be better (I don't like being compared to heifers very much). When things didn't go my way it made me angry but mostly I got mad when people lied. My siblings and I were taught to tell the truth, even if it got us in trouble we told the truth, we could always trust each other though, apparently this wasn't the case in alot of families. My eldest son Matt was a delight until he went off to Middle School and apparently fell prey to peer pressure and started lying. He would lie about everything, even when he didn't need too. The thing is he didn't learn the technique early enough so he wasn't very good at it and the fight between us would be on and on and on and on....I would get mad and he would get mad...we stayed mad at each other for about six years I think...
At the end of Matt's junior year of high school he pre-signed up for the Air Force and I thought maybe he had changed his ways, but his senior year was pretty typical of the other five years only the deceit escalated toward the last three months of school. It was a difficult time for me and I'm sure everyone else in my household as well. I yelled and screamed and cussed and kicked stuff - Barry bless his heart finally just took the bottom doors off the kitchen cabinets.
I could go on and on about the stuff that made me mad but this is getting a bit difficult for me so I'll just cut to the chase. Matt left for Boot Camp on my birthday in August 1992 and I was mad at him then - so mad I didn't even hug or kiss him good-bye. On the way to catch the bus his Dad asked him if he would be writing to any particular girls - He said well just one Dad...Barry asked what was so special about this one girl (he usually had quite a few girls chasing after him - He was so handsome and so sweet ) and he said well this one special girl is about seven months pregnant. . . Barry and he went by the place where she worked and she was indeed with child...very much so...and that made me mad too - not that Matt was going to be a father and hadn't told us but we had never even heard of this girl. . . not one word about her. For the next week nothing not man nor beast was safe from my wrath.
Then I got a letter from Matt asking me not to be mad at this girl...She was a good person and he loved her and was excited about the baby...It was then I realized what I had missed by being mad all the time. I had lost Matt's confidence to be able to tell me the truth. I took a good look and saw that I was the majority of the problem, and what had I gained by being mad all the time? Nothing except a lot of heart ache and busted cabinet doors. Being mad is a terribly negative emotion...it get's you nowhere except out of control...
So I stopped - Right then and there. I don't get mad anymore, sure I get disappointed sometimes and I get sad and weary, but not mad - it's a useless tactic anyway and I regret all the time and energy it stole from my life.
The silver lining to this story is that Matt and I made our peace and I have two beautiful grandchildren from that union, I sure thank God for that and them!
The gray part is that if my dog Tish hears the "F" word from anywhere - she still goes and hides under the bed...If you come to our house and say the F word you will be in big trouble mister!!!!
I think I feel better now
I know
ILYM
Comments (15)
great post
An excellent post
Wasn"t it so hard to get out of that anger stage? It was for me and I seemed to go from 0 to rage in seconds.
Like you I justed stopped too and was so tired of feeling so ashamed of my actions and always apologizing to people who kept looking at me like yeah, right
What a relief not to be in that dark space any more.
So happy you got out of it too and @ZSA_MD post really brought back memories to me of a time when I was walking int hat darkness of negative emotions all of the time and made me grateful for the light I walk in now.
Good post.
@Grannys_Place - Thanks Ruth :heartbeat: I like the light much better too :sunny:
very good! With myself - I have to be able to know that my button has been pushed and I need to keep my mouth shut until I get more level headed. Then if I say anything at all, it may be more thought out.
I hate some bad experiences with 'mad' in my youth and had to give it up. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Cultivating a peaceful point of view has enriched my life beyond anything I could have imagined.
A beautiful post. I'm glad you found your way out of being mad.
Anger & I have a difficult time. I used to avoid it at all costs when young, and since I didn't know how to control it, when I got older I wasn't very good with it. Now I'd like to be able to turn it off that easily. I have learned to shut it down after a time, but I can't turn it off like you explained.
Worry I was able to get rid of, but not being mad. I'll keep trying though.
Marsha, thank you so much for posting this post. I could feel the tears squeezing my heart. What an agonizing time you had to have gone through. Love the fact that you are on such excellent terms with your son and his family, and that you have cleansed your soul of the anger and the madness of anger.
@ZSA_MD - :wave:thanks Z :heartbeat:
I can remember when 'don't get mad get even' was a favorite saying going around. Used to be on a lot of T shirts.
To me mad and angry are one and the same. And I hear you about lying. I hate it and it is our daughter that started doing it her first failed marriage.
Alas I experienced to become mad and afterwards to regret it bitterly
Anger is a bad advisor ,
love
Michel
This is a great post. I'm glad you ditched the mad.
@Roadkill_Spatula - me too Tim ~ it's really changed my life :sunny:
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