June 25, 2013

  • Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters

     @BoulderChristina

    has a good blog up today about being Mad, it reminded me of the entry below from May 12, 2010, we were doing a 30 day challenge that I don't think I ever finished...  

    Anyway, when I find myself going a little Mad Hatter I go back and read this....

    just so I'll remember how it was...

     

     

    Talk about a regret you have.

    I regret being Mad.

    There was a long period in my life when it seemed I was mad all the time.  I don't mean mad like miffed, I mean madcow disease mad or maybe rabid dog mad would be better (I don't like being compared to heifers very much).  When things didn't go my way it made me angry but mostly I got mad when people lied.  My siblings and I were taught to tell the truth, even if it got us in trouble we told the truth, we could always trust each other though,  apparently this wasn't the case in a lot of families.  My eldest son Matt was a delight until he went off to Middle School and apparently fell prey to peer pressure and started lying.  He would lie about everything, even when he didn't need too.  The thing is he didn't learn the technique early enough so he wasn't very good at it and the fight between us would be on and on and on and on....I would get mad and he would get mad...we stayed mad at each other for about six years I think...

    At the end of Matt's junior year of high school he pre-signed up for the Air Force and I thought maybe he had changed his ways, but his senior year was pretty typical of the other five years only the deceit escalated toward the last three months of school.   It was a difficult time for me and I'm sure everyone else in my household as well.  I yelled and screamed and cussed and kicked stuff - Barry bless his heart finally just took the bottom doors off the kitchen cabinets. 

    I could go on and on about the stuff that made me mad but this is getting a bit difficult for me so I'll just cut to the chase.  Matt left for Boot Camp on my birthday in August 1992 and I was mad at him then - so mad I didn't even hug or kiss him good-bye.  On the way to catch the bus his Dad asked him if he would be writing to any particular girls - He said well just one Dad...Barry asked what was so special about this one girl (he usually had quite a few girls chasing after him - He was so handsome and so sweet ) and he said well this one special girl is about seven months pregnant. . . Barry and he went by the place where she worked and she was indeed with child...very much so...and that made me mad too - not that Matt was going to be a father and hadn't told us but we had never even heard of this girl. . . not one word about her.   For the next week nothing ... not man nor beast ... was safe from my wrath. 

    Then I got a letter from Matt asking me not to be mad at this girl...She was a good person and he loved her and was excited about the baby...It was then I realized what I had missed by being mad all the time.  I had lost Matt's confidence to be able to tell me the truth.  I took a good look and saw that I was the majority of the problem, and what had I gained by being mad all the time?  Nothing except a lot of heart ache and busted cabinet doors.  Being mad is a terribly negative emotion...it get's you nowhere except out of control...

    So I stopped - Right then and there.  I don't get mad anymore, sure I get disappointed sometimes and I get sad and weary, hell's bells I even get angry sometimes, but not mad - it's a useless tactic anyway and I regret all the time and energy it stole from my life. 

    The silver lining to this story is that Matt and I made our peace and I have two beautiful grandchildren from that union, I sure thank God for that and them! 

    Reese and Mara

    Matt's kids

     

     The gray part is that if my dog Tish hears the "F" word from anywhere - she still goes and hides under the bed...If you come to our house and say the F word you will be in big trouble mister!!!!

     

     

    I think Tish and I feel better now

    I know this

    "Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
    You stand at the edge while people run you through
    And I thank the Lord there's people out there like you
    I thank the Lord there's people out there like you:


    ~Songwriters:  Elton John and Bernie Taupin

    and I really do thank the Lord for people like you!

     

    ILYM

     

     

    Mona Lisas And Mad Hatters

     

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcXFnN4wD94

    "While Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters
    Sons of bankers, sons of lawyers
    Turn around and say good morning to the night
    For unless they see the sky
    But they can't and that is why
    They know not if it's dark outside or light"

    ~ Elton John and Bernie Taupin, songwriters 

Comments (18)

  • I remember that song as one I never saw the point of, but I never looked at the lyrics either.

    Anger is pain turned outward. We do ourselves and everyone else a favor when we admit what our real feelings are instead of lashing out. I'm glad you have a good relationship with your son and grandkids.

  • @Roadkill_Spatula -  :sunny: thanks Tim :sunny:

  • :heartbeat: :heartbeat: awwww!! some of life's lessons make us sigh for all the time we lost. Beautiful couple (I can't see the pix of the kids but I know they are adorable too) love you! :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

  • I learned, about twelve years ago, that madness, of the stark,raving kind, only brings on isolation- of the padded-cell kind. I was not actually confined to such, but people started to shy away. Extreme anger eats at the liver and stomach, and wounds the heart. I am so glad you found more peace, and have two striking grandchildren, from their parents' improbable union. :sunny:

  • You have taught all of us such a powerful lesson Marsha. What a story! Thank you.

  • I'm glad you've solved your situation with being mad, and that your relationship with your brother is mended.
    that's a great song.

    I wonder, did your brother ever stop lying, or has it caused other problems? did he ever say why he lied so much. I wonder about the psychology of it all.

  • @plantinthewindow -  Hey John :wave: it was my son that I had the problem with, he had cancer and passed away in 2003, we ended up with a great relationship although I think he still had a problem with stretching the truth. I think it stemmed from saying what he thought people wanted to hear...I just don't know, but I do think it's a common thing for people to do....say what they think you want to hear

  • @mlbncsga - argh. for some reason I thought it was your brother - how did I get that mixed up?? : /
    I'm sorry to hear that he passed away - and so young. : ( I had no idea. I know you must have shared it with us and I forgot, somehow.

  • What a fantastic story! You are right, it is wasted, negative emotion that only serves to isolate you from those you love. Thank you :heartbeat:

  • I've learned that often when people lash out or are angry or silent...it's because they are hurting inside...and maybe no one even knows what's going on.
    Thank you for sharing this very personal vulnerable story from your life. I'm so glad you and Matt made peace. I'm still so sorry for your losing him to cancer, so young, too young.
    Your words are a great reminder to all of us! Thank you!
    HUGS!!!

  • Anger has eaten away at much of my soul over the years, I often said, I don't get mad, I get even, but truth be told I remained mad all too often. I still get a little angry now and then but most of the things I used to get mad about I have realized were other peoples' problems, and not mine. Once I let myself off the hook, I let them be and if they suffer they suffer on their own, if they rise above the suffering then I am happy for them. I still hate being lied to though.

  • I learned a lot today from reading this.

    It won't change how I feel about my parents....but it will help with dealing with my daughters.

    Thanks much. And Im happy for you!!!

  • @Bricker59 -  :goodjob: your girls are who matters the most in the whole wide world :spinning: Your Welcome :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

  • You took advantage of this " experience " that made you suffer ,Marsha .
    I was like that too . But now I let go because we risk to be separated from our children..

    Finally love is the only way to go on.
    Love

    Michel

  • I caznnot upload pictures today on Xanga . It seems I am alone in this case !!!

  • @fauquet -  the pictures are of my two oldest grandchildren and my dog Tish...the grandchildren are beautiful and Tish is an old black labrador...I've been having problems downloading and viewing pictures too....ilym!

  • A beautiful story of struggle and redemption. I wish I could just stop and let go like you did. I think I could with my child, but I don't have a foundation of love with the person who lied to us and about us. Six years later I still feel some anger stirring inside whenever I think of him. It's not as strong and bitter as it once was, so I've got that going for me.

  • @saintvi -  :coolman: keep working on it, I've forgiven a bunch of people with whom I don't have that foundation, well actually I've come to be indifferent about them...it confuses them too :lol: I get a charge out of that :yes: I'm probably more than a little warped though :lookaround:

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